you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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