True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize