saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
