I wish I could teleport
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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