I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my liver is dry heaving
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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