mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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