I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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