Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
