You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Panties = found
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
