after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
