Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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