someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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