Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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