She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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