i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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