im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
