i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
