she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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