yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
