Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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