Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
