let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
