oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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