Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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