just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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