I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
