i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
