Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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