She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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