so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
