If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
