and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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