I got chris browned last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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