just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
