I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
