HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
