So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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