Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
