was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
