'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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