wakey wakey hands off snakey
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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