I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
