saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why is your signature on my underwear?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
