I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
