I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
