i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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