it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
