I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
