He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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