im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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