The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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