White coat. Heels.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
