dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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