You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
