we have officially lost it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
tell me about the eggs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
