if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
