I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
