You're so nebulous sometimes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
