im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
