I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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