how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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