Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
