he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
