ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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