yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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