Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
