You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
