Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
