His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
