I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
