Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
