My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
