i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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