Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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