I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
