R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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