If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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