i will never coherently bang her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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